The consumer whore report on healthy eating

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, (and by “you” I mean my fellow consumer whores who believe in supporting local business but are continually lured by the Siren Song of the Starbucks drive-through) but your friendly local international coffee chain is trying to go healthy. Are you familiar with the new menu items? Oatmeal with dried nuts and berries? The multi-grain roll? A dash of protein powder for your skinny latte? I am a regular drive-through customer, and I cherish the occasional morning commute that includes a one-on-one with a venti latte and an old-fashioned doughnut. But I’ve been reading up on health issues for my age group (holy shit, I turned 34 and I didn’t even mention it here!) and it occurred to me that my twice-weekly doughnut probably wasn’t the best medicine for my increasingly middle-aged organs. So last week I tried a few of the “healthy offerings” in lieu of my sugary little friend, and before you place your order for a fruit stella with its “juicy baked berries and omega-3s,” let me give you a Grade Adler-style woman-on-the-street review of the new menu: EW.

I like my latte, and I don’t care what you say about the tastelessness of protein powder–adding a dash of healthy to my java changes the way it tastes. And the multi-grain roll? I should not have to worry about breaking a tooth on a whole grain while experiencing the sensation of chewing 8-hour-old gum. The oatmeal wasn’t bad, but really, it would be difficult to screw up instant oatmeal. And what exactly IS a stella? Does calling it a stella make it more appealing than what it actually is, a pricey chewy fruit granola bar?

I find myself on the horns of a dilemma, and I have to say, I’m kind of used to sitting atop these particular horns. I know I should eat healthier food–more fruit and fewer mini Snickers bars, more whole grains and fewer doughnuts, more water and less diet Coke. But I don’t want to, plain and simple. It is an effort for me to plan ahead for this kind of eating. I like fruit, but it is messy and has to be cleaned; I have never had to wash a mini Snickers bar before popping it in my mouth, and while I actually LIKE drinking water, there is nothing quite like an icy cold diet Coke in the late afternoon. With a mini Snickers bar.

And yet. I want my daughter to have healthy eating habits. I want her to like eating fruit. I want her to prefer water over soda. She has never actually ingested soda (except for that one time when she was about 7 months old and leaned over and swigged a swallow right out of my straw, but that was not my fault becuase I was not aware she could drink from a straw!). She loves grapes and blueberries and apples. She drinks only milk and water, not even juice, and even though she has a serious ice cream addiction, I limit her consumption severely. I manage to set a good example by restricting my own bad eating habits to the car or my office, but I feel sort of like a scam artist. Okay, very like a scam artist. And I’m telling you about it because admission of a problem is the first step to fixing it, right? So I’m going to publicly declare my devotion to healthier eating, because a month from now, when I talk about how good that old-fashioned doughnut was on the ride to work, I fully expect one or more of you to make a snarky comment along the lines of, “Huh. I guess that healthy eating thing didn’t work out for you.”

But let me make one thing clear: I will not be adding protein powder to my occasional latte, and I will not be attempting to eat any more of those horrible rolls, and I can make instant oatmeal myself for a fraction of the cost. And also, just so you know, I will not be throwing out my mini Snickers bars, and when I break down and eat a handful at the end of a long day, I certainly won’t be talking about it here.

This post has been brought to you by our very first Guest Blogger, hd, from One Small Corner of the Universe. If you would like to be a guest blogger let us know!

90210 & Top Model

90210:

Seriously cake batter television. I was a very regular watcher of the original program until it went way wacko. (remember that crazy chick that loved fire??) When I heard that a new version was going to launch I got all kinds of retro giddy. The show feels familiar without being stuck. The new cast is comprised of characters that wink at the original cast: the bitchy rich girl, the naive but eager Midwesterner, the jock, the misfits…But really this show feels like a combination of all the shows that came after the original 90210. The attractive parent’s with their complicated story lines is a dash of The O.C., the bitter blogger is a dash of Gossip Girl, etc. So far the plot has been perfectly predictable and I am looking forward to things getting more out there.

America’s Next Top Model:

I wanted to kill my television during most of the premiere episode of this season. The lame and weird robot theme with the horrible “special” effects was just unnecessary. This is a show that has been on for a while. It is a familiar format with unfamiliar girls. There is no need to jazz things up. It just felt like a rehash of that horrible movie that Tyra did where she was a plastic toy that came to life. shiver.

The cast of girls is interesting and not as cartoony as some seasons have been. Sure you have the gals that come from small towns (amusing political side note: there is a girl from a small town in Alaska and it is pretty interesting to hear how she talks about her home life. And she talks A LOT about it.) and you have the girls that are a little rough around the edges. And then you have the bravest of them all, Isis.

When I found out that a transgendered girl was going to be on the show this season I was very proud of the producers. Isis is tough but delicate and already making it easy to spot who the haters are. I picked up early on that girls that used the wrong pronoun for Isis were going to be trouble. I really hope that tolerance is achieved in the house, but I think some models are a lost cause. I think we will see some beautiful girls in all their ugliness.

So what were your thoughts about these shows?

Book review: Moral Disorder by Margaret Atwood

Me and Margaret go way back. I discovered her when I was a teenager and predictably started with A Handmaid’s Tale. Then I devoured her oeuvre. Cat’s Eye was like a bible to me. The Edible Woman made me a vegetarian for nearly a month. Lines from her poetry were written on posterboard on my quote wall and carved into my ceramics class artwork. She is one of the two writers who truly made me want to write.

I have read almost everything she has written, but I don’t stay informed about adult publishing these days so I didn’t know she had a new book out until I was wandering the big bookstore chain in our neighborhood. I bought it immediately, even though it was not in our tight budget. For books, money can always be found. Margaret Atwood must be owned, not borrowed.

Moral Disorder is a book of connected short stories following the life of one woman. I think I read that on the back when I purchased the book, but I didn’t read it for a couple of months and I forgot. So I didn’t realize until she named the character the same thing. I read the first several essays, the ones that are in first person, thinking they were separate but strangely echoing one another. They echo other aspects of Atwood’s work, too. She has written many stories of childhood and they always share a sadness and distance. Her view, her memory perhaps, of childhood is far from the idyllic version many writers use. It always seems a dark and uncertain time. She captures the hardest feelings we had as children, the confusion and fear and dependence on unreliable adults. I think her stories featuring children are my favorites.

In the beginning of this book, we follow the main character (“Nell” in later chapters) through the birth and childhood of her much younger sister. We see her great anxiety when caring for her pregnant mother in a brilliant chapter called, “The Art of Cooking and Serving.” This particular story beautifully sets place and time through the 50’s advice the child reads in her mother’s cookbooks, and this pressure pushes Nell until she breaks, sick of caring for her mother and then for the baby her mother delivers.

The next story, “The Headless Horseman,” hit close to home for me. In it, Nell’s baby sister is shown to be a fearful and strange child who ends up adopting the scary, papier-mache head from Nell’s Halloween costume and caring for it like a doll. She also demands that Nell be a monster sometimes but Nell’s vaguely menacing tone even when the game is over torments the little girl: “A sister pretending to be a monster or a monster pretending to be a sister? It was too much for her to decipher.” Bizarrely, I played Monster with my own little sister and tormented her with undoubtedly similar questions. At least Nell’s little sister begged to play the game in the first place. Mine did not and was scarred forever by my meanness.

The four stories in the middle of the book use third person and we meet Nell as a woman, living with a married man in the country. This sudden narrative switch didn’t bother me when I thought they were all separate stories, but since I realized that they are connected and feature one character throughout, I have been pondering Atwood’s decision to use two different points of view. I haven’t come up with much by way of reason. I can speak to my reactions – I judged Nell more when she was presented in the third person. I wondered what the hell she was doing in the country with the married man. I felt she was a bit stupid for getting herself into the strange situation involving him and his ex-ish wife. I kept thinking that I would never put up with what she put up with from him or from the situation. It wasn’t extreme, but those were my thoughts.

Then we switch back into the first person and the character moves back to the city and I found that I felt closer to her again. So was this device used to try to give a fuller picture of the character? Can we never really know a first person character except through their own image of themselves? And can we never empathize with a third person character without their self reflection to assist us? I know. These are totally Lit 101 type questions. It’s just been a while since I thought about them.

I recommend Moral Disorder to lovers of Atwood. I didn’t find it that substantial of a book, not grand or sweeping or dramatic. It captured a life. It said a few lovely things and a few deep ones. It was a quiet and simple book. Enjoyable but maybe, if I am honest, not that memorable.

New TV Season- let’s talk

There is nothing that makes me happier than filling up my DVR with new shows. Finding out the new fall season and planning my life around it is something I have done for a while. Oh the bliss of new shows! New seasons!

I consulted tv guide’s ultimate fall schedule and created my own schedule. Since many shows I enjoy air at the same time I have to make plans. Having a DVR comes in handy (as does having a tivo in my bedroom). One of my goals this fall is to avoid as many commercials as possible. With the political climate getting all hot and steamy the last thing I want is to have to endure a barrage of negative campaigns from either side of the aisle.

So let’s take a look at what I will be watching. And then you can tell me what you will be watching (or NOT watching) and once the shows begin airing we can have wonderful conversations about how great or how crappy things are.

Let’s start with Sunday. If I am honest I only really give a damn about only one of the shows I listed on my grid: Amazing Race. It is my most favorite reality show and I don’t even have to file it under the ‘guilty pleasure’ subheading that my other reality shows are dumped into. I can’t stand mean or bickering couples, but I do love watching someone have a life changing experience through cultural enlightenment. (and I do start yelling at the television when someone starts to sound like an entitled American asshole) Extreme Makeover is probably one of GM’s favorite shows and if I didn’t put Brothers & Sisters on the grid Mother would kill me. (plus a really good friend works on the show & you gotta support your people!)

Monday is like a fun chick night of must see tv for me. I am totally sucked in to the cut throat world of Gossip Girl and I have a tiny crush on Chuck. Samantha Who is also a great show and I don’t think enough people are watching it. I was shocked by Christina Applegate’s recent health scare and now feel this sort of obligation to tune in weekly to make sure she is ok. Heroes needs to step up for me. It got way off track last season and with the odd break in schedule I found it hard to be engaged by. The first new show on my grid is My Own Worst Enemy starring Christian Slater and his hair.

(Side story about Mr. Slater: when I was a sassy girl in acting school in NYC I worked at a theme restaurant. One evening Mr. Slater and his family came in to dine and at the end of the meal his credit card did not go through. Instead of being a total asshole about it (I’m looking at you, Scarface) he was appropriately mortified and went to an atm and immediately took care of things. And my tip was not affected by his accounting. I like to keep celebrities in three categories: asshole, nice, unknown. Mr. Slater is in the nice category so I will give his show a chance.)

Tuesday is going to be very exciting in my DVR. 90210? Yes. Totally will be watching. Not sure how long I will be tuning in because I am a Donna Martin fan and am tapping my toe until I know she will be in the cast. I am hoping it has lots of nods and winks to the original, but I think it is just going to be Degrassi High set in Beverly Hills with lots more sex. House. I got excited just typing the name of the show. The last several episodes of last season gave me chills. I can not wait to see how things progress! Two new shows on my grid are The Mentalist (which sounds like a drama version of the USA comedy Psych) which stars a really hot guy and Privileged which could go either way. And you know I will be tuning in to see what is up with Olivia and her biological clock issues on SVU.

And that brings us to Wednesday where one of the quirkiest shows will be back: Pushing Daisies. The only word I can think of to describe this show is charming. I smile watching it. I am excited for the return of Bones as well. Except the last episode of last season sucked ass. So over fake deaths. Private Practice will feature guest appearances by Grant Show but really I am sort of embarrassed to admit that I watch this drivel. I hope this season is smarter or at least they should hire one of us to prevent them from saying things like “tomorrow we will implant the embryo”. Stylista is a new show that I am going to give a chance. If it has talented people I will watch, but if it is like Hells’ Kitchen quality talent I will find something else to watch! Lipstick Jungle will be given another chance but if that lady licks her lips through another season I will change the channel. And I love CSI:NY - try and stop me from watching it!

Thursday is really the last big night of tv programming. I will be tuning back in to Ugly Betty, Greys’s Anatomy (are they going to kill off Izzie??), the final season (2 seasons too late) of ER, and Survivor in high def (woo hoo!) CSI is an awesome show and I heard that Lawrence Fishburne will be joining the cast. Finally Life On Mars. This was originally a BBC show that was so so fucking cool. I am sure it won’t be as great, but it will be interesting to see.

Friday I will be giving The Ex List a shot (although it sounds like it would be a drag to watch more than one season of this show). I am thrilled that Life got another chance although I bet this will be the last season. Friday night isn’t exactly helping. This is also the night where I will watch the rerun of America’s Next Top Model. (remind me- why do I watch this show?)

Saturday is where you see another guilty pleasure of mine all out there in the open: Knight Rider. Shut up, I know.

Things that didn’t make it to the grid but will totally be watched: the end of Project Runway, the November return of Law & Order Criminal Intent (with Jeff Goldblum), Top Design, and all the other shows that the networks haven’t slotted in yet (like Lost & Medium). Plus you know I will be making room for Dexter, Big Love & the new vampire show on HBO- True Blood. Am I weanie for not being into the new show, Fringe?

So talk to me- what are YOU going to watch and why? What new show looks promising to you?

Ear Lifts — a review

So, I have these earrings.  Beautiful black hoops dripping with a dense cluster of sky-blue glass beads of differing sizes.  I love these earrings.  Fell in love with them at Macy’s and had to have them.

Unfortunately, they’re heavier than an elephant standing on a grand piano balanced on a Caterpillar D1.  Every time I tried to wear them within a few hours my lobes would be sore, swollen, and larger (torn or stretched).  I’d end up taking them out and swearing never to wear them again.  I thought about taking them to my jeweler friend and seeing if she could lighten them up — maybe removing some of the beads and making a ring or something out of them to match.  But I’m lazy, and so they spent time gathering dust and occasionally tempting me into pain.

So when I was in a store and saw a package of Earlifts (as seen on TV) (caution, EXTREMELY ANNOYING website at the other end of that link) marked down to less than $2, I thought what the hell?

They, too, sat gathering dust for several months until yesterday morning.  Yesterday was our church’s annual Water Ceremony, and I was piling on all my wateriest jewelry in honor of the day.  And there were my earrings, glistening like so many drops of crystalline water.  So I decided to give the earlifts a try.

They seem to be made of oval-shaped pieces of transparent surgical tape.  You peel one off a sheet, stick it to the back of your ear behind where your hole is, and the poke the earrings through your ear and through the tape.  The earrings poked easily through the tape and I was certain that the tape would either a)  be peeling off within the hour, or b) tear more easily than my skin and do absolutely nothing.

I was surprised when, several hours later, I got into my car and remembered that I was still wearing the Heaviest Earrings on Earth.  My ears weren’t sore, red, or stretched out!  The tape was still stuck and for such a flimsy thing it was actually doing a fantastic job supporting my earrings.

I’m definitely going to be using these again.  I’ve got 3 other pairs of heavy earrings and I’m happy to be able to wear them again.  At $10 for 60 (+S&H), though, I’m not sure they’re worth the price for an occassional user like me.  I think I’ll get a roll of clear surgical tape, first, before shelling out a ten-spot.  But if I see them on clearance?  Oh hell, yeah, I’d buy them again.

Book review: Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen

I bet you think that I frequent libraries since I am a librarian. This would be a logical assumption, but a wrong one. Even though I live a mile from the gorgeous main branch of the Brooklyn Public Library, I rarely go there. In the past, the only times I entered its hollowed halls was when I was going to a particular conference that gives extensive required reading lists. I did that conference three times, I think. So three. Three summers that I spent some time at the library. Otherwise, not so much.

But having a baby changes everything, as the commercial tells us. The biggest thing I have found changed, other than the joy and worry and fatigue, is that I walk. I, a fibromyalgic shut-in with an epic distaste for the outdoors, can now walk an easy two miles without even paying for it in pain the next day. Nearly every day, I take the Beck to a baby playground nearly a mile away. When we leave, he often naps in the stroller and he stays asleep if I keep moving. So one hot, humid day, I wished I had a place to keep moving that was air conditioned. And then I realized we were about 3 minutes away from the library.

I am a lover of contemporary fiction but I have felt extremely out of the loop for the past half decade. My work requires that I keep abreast of all the latest developments in kid lit and that has been enough to fill my reading time. When I started working in Brooklyn and lost my subway commute, I read far less and the reading time I did get was really taken up with kid books. My only grownup book time was vacations. And, honestly, I can’t read when in turmoil – I lose my attention span. So with ttc and miscarriage and all that, I just didn’t feel like reading.

So there I was, looking for something to do and something to read while Beck slept. The fiction section has a display of recommended fiction and I felt drawn to this book right away. It has a good cover and a circus theme. Two circus books are firmly implanted in my memorable books list (Geek Love and A Son of the Circus), so it’s a theme I dig right away. I grabbed it somewhat impulsively, knowing full well that it could be something I just dragged home only to have to drag back unread in two weeks. I got Beck some board books while I was there so it wouldn’t be a waste of checkout time.

I read the first few pages right away, the dramatic prologue that certainly sets the stage for mystery and drama: a stampede, a murder, a setting and language that firmly plant us in a specific time and world. It’s a Depression era circus, a somewhat depraved and desperate place. I knew I wanted to read more but put the book down for a few days to finish something else. I found that I kept wanting to go back to it, though.

The book flashes back and forth from the past circus to the present, where our main character, Jacob, is 90-ish and living in a nursing home. He is in good mental health but his body is failing him a bit. He is edgy and anxious and bored. And a bit bitter about the state of things – the nurses, the food, the company of other old people.

Through the flashbacks, we learn Jacob’s story. He comes to the circus very much by accident because of a family tragedy that leaves him penniless and alone. He is almost a veterinarian and once the circus figures this out, they very much want to keep him on to care for the menagerie. He quickly feels connected to these animals and they keep him emotionally tethered to the place even when events occur that should send him running.

August the animal keeper, Jacob’s boss, is a charming and terrifying man. He is a talented animal trainer on his best days, a generous husband and friend. On his bad days, when things don’t go his way, he is ruthless and sickeningly cruel. There are some hard passages to read in this book, though the author does a good job of setting the worst cases of animal cruelty “offstage,” as it were, so that our imaginations take care of the details.

August’s wife, Marlena, is the star of the liberty horses act and a skilled horse trainer. Jacob immediately feels drawn to her beauty and love of animals but fears for her safety because of her brutal husband. A dangerous love triangle develops here, with Jacob receiving constant invitations from August for dinners and excursions. He can’t refuse August, but his feelings for Marlena become dangerously close to the surface.

The story of these three is set among the characters of a typical old time circus – the dwarf clown, the roustabouts, the cooch tent prostitute, the newly-acquired circus elephant who is either very stupid or very smart. Overseeing all is the ringmaster whose ambition to surpass Ringling drives him to give merciless and deadly orders when things aren’t going well. People aren’t paid. People go missing.

I couldn’t put this book down. I read it late into the night with that “just one more chapter” feeling you get from well-built suspense. I even read the interview with the author at the end and all the book club questions, which is rare for me. There I learned that the author did extensive research into circuses of the time and that many of the craziest details are true, or at least as true as circus history can be.

The end came too quickly, as it does when you are enmeshed in a fictitious world you love. In some ways, the final present-tense outcome seemed far-fetched to me, impossible. But when you are writing about the circus, perhaps anything is possible. And whether it rang true or not, it hit the right note on an emotional level.

Highly recommended.

The Buy Nothing (new) Challenge

I tend to freak out about money.  Here’s how it happens.  I keep good track of my finances for a while, and then something happens… an illness, a trip, a wedding, SOMETHING to knock me off my budget and make it a bit muddy to figure out just where I stand.  And then I make like an ostrich and REFUSE to look — dread growing with each purchase (or refused purchase on the certainty that I’m near financial ruin) until I have an anxiety attack for a few days that finally, FINALLY leads to a near-breakdown and I figure my books out and realize that I have no money (just as I thought).  But I also have a clean slate and promises NEVER to do that again.  Of course, if I’d just sat down with my checkbook register and receipts the first time I realize I’ve blown it again, it would never be as bad as it ends up. 

And yet I never learn.

And I do it again.

It’s the impulse spending that kills me.

This doesn’t work so well when you’re only getting paid once a month.  Instead of a paycheck bail-out and fresh start every two weeks, my cycle’s now stretching for an entire month.  And each month I’m a little more in the hole to be bailed out.  Meaning that each month I have a little LESS money in my working budget because of the pay-off I need to do.

These are my specific money troubles.  My partner has others.  Together we’re misappropriating hundreds of dollars from our monthly budget.  Given that we were just handed a big bill for something we desperately need and want to do ASAP, this needs to stop NOW.  We need to get control of our finances.  We know that we make enough to cover our needs.  And when we’re on budget we even have stuff left over for, oh, I don’t know… savings.  And to help us pay for the Desperately Wanted and Needed and Expensive Thing.  So last night we came up with a plan.  We know it’s going to be hard.  Very hard.  But we both think it’s also going to be very, very good for us.  Like a sugar binger going on the master cleanse.  

We’re going cold turkey on all “unnecessary” purchases.  But wait!  Not exactly!  For the next 3 months we will only buy food and toiletries (including “household toiletries” like cleaning supplies) new.  If we find that we need to buy something else: books, clothes, toys, whatever.  We will buy them used or get them free somehow.  We’re also going to stop eating out.  Now I can look forward and see that we’ve got trips planned (a wedding, my residency in Seattle, a work conference) that are going to require meals out, but other than that, no.  Cooking at home.  The whole thing is a bit like The Compact, only for a shorter period of time (though if it works out we’ll keep going) and with a bit more flexible rules (for instance if we break a window, we’ll go buy a window — unless we can find a used or free one right away — but we’re not going to angst about it).  Starting today (because I have no money today to buy anything anyway…)

Also a good thing about starting today is that I’m riding high on my hand-me-down and dumpster-diving bliss.  Recently it was Big Garbage Day here and as I was driving to work I noticed a faded and dirty, but still safe and sound, plastic kid-sized picnic table.  I’ve been wanting one of these for the last couple of years, but didn’t want to pay for it.  So I screetched to a halt, opened up the hatchback of the prius, and shoved that thing in.  And, in just the next pile over there was an intact and rather cute glass punch bowl complete with little punch cups!  We’ve been having to borrow hipiegrl’s and my mother’s punch bowl every time we throw a party and I’ve been complaining that we need to get our own.  And right there!  It fell out of the sky (practically).

Not only that, but my brother, He Who Could Sell Snow to Polarbears, and his wife finally finally brought us their daughter’s hand-me-down clothes.  6 WHOLE BAGS!  And they’re kinda anal people, so the clothes were in really good condition, and clean, and frighteningly free of stains.  About 1/3 of them were too small for Sassa, so we’re passing them down to our friend who just had a baby girl, and the rest will keep Sassa in clothes for the next year at least!  I love hand me downs.  Just like a shopping spree with no consumer guilt or buyer’s remorse!

I know it probably sounds weird to put this challenge on a product/book review blog.  Consider it a lifestyle-product review, and join me for the ride!

Plus, just because I got it for free or from a thrift shop doesn’t mean I can’t review it… (and I’m more than happy to review presents and freebees)

So, what do you think?  Have you done this?  Are you interested?  What new items couldn’t you live without if you were to try this?

What to buy your older relatives:

Because I live with a lovely geriatric I often received e-mails inquiring about gifts for older relatives (ok, maybe 3 times in as many years) . Usually I respond with the classic gift idea of a well assembled photo album. But supposing you are all out of craft and/or new photographs. What is something special, thoughtful and sure to be well loved? You may not realize it but the answer is simple: liquor.

Now obviously if Aunt Betty or Great Uncle Fred has an issue with alcohol or cannot imbibe due to medication this would not be an ideal gift. But if you have an older relative that is into the occasional nip of something-something then a specially wrapped bottle of lovely is just for them.

Today is my Grandmother’s 87th birthday. She no longer needs books, or magazines subscriptions. We present her with a new photo album every Christmas. So my Mother and I thought for a moment and then we realized that what she likes is chocolate and an occasional nightcap of an adult beverage.

Luckily for us Godiva made it easy as they have created a special line of chocolate liqueurs. Available in four flavors: Original, Milk Chocolate, White Chocolate and Mocha, there is sure to be something that your special someone will enjoy. The beverage can be enjoyed on the rocks, as a splash in an evening cup of coffee, or in any number of recipes found on the the official Godiva website.

We gifted Grandmother with milk chocolate and she enjoyed about two tablespoons of it in a small glass. The creamy and smooth looking drink has an amazingly pleasant aroma that even those not consuming can waft and enjoy. It also seasons Grandmother kisses extremely well!

Available at most liquor stores the Godiva Liqueurs retail between $15 - $26 based on size. Depending on the size of your older relative, one bottle should last them a couple of months!

MotherTalk Review: The Dangerous Days of Daniel X

There was a time in my life where I positively devoured crime books. I read Patricia Cornwell novels with a sort of manic fervor and enjoyed being scared and sleepless. I read a few other books of that genre by different authors, but eventually the chewing gum lost its flavor and the stories felt trite and dull. I skipped out of the world of crime novels before I had ever had a chance to sit down with a James Patterson read.

Last year when one of Patterson’s much admired book series became an actual television series I decided to give it a chance. I instantly became sucked into the world of Women’s Murder Club. I loved that it was a crime show second and a relationship show first. I loved that it had realistic characters that were deliciously flawed and still striving and yearning for their own version of perfect.

When I heard that Patterson along with co-writer Michael Ledwidge had decided to begin a new book series geared at younger readers, and specifically boys, I was excited. I often feel a pang of sadness when I meet someone and find out that they weren’t big readers at a younger age. Books are actually something that I can’t imagine my childhood without. Seriously- when I think back to family meals around the dining table I always recall that everyone had a book with them. Sure we conversed and debated and laughed, but if it was just a lazy day Saturday lunch you didn’t show up without a dog eared book to get lost in as you munched on your peanut butter and banana sandwich.

That an author would specifically set out to hook a new generation, a generation that has only known a world with widely available electronics and hundreds of television channels, back into reading is extremely commendable. It is an exceptionally hard task to pull a kid away from a video game and then show him that you can be just as entertained and engaged in a book.

As I read The Dangerous Days of Daniel X I tried to imagine that I was a young boy with a full schedule of extracurricular activities and a video game consul just waiting for my attention. I imagined that I was not big on reading “for fun” or someone that felt books would make me feel stupid.

The novel begins: “If this were a movie instead of real life, this would be the part where in a strange, ominous voice I’d say, “Take me to your leader!” Daniel informs us that our planet is in danger and that disgusting and ruthless aliens are here and set to destroy life as we know it.  We then jump to the beginning of Daniel’s life and learn that he is not your average little boy. That he is, in fact, extremely unique and special. That he alone will save us. It is, I will admit, a very captivating way to begin.

The story revolves around Daniel X and his other-worldly abilities. It reveals the character to be an alien hunter with a massive list of aliens he must seek and destroy. It’s also is a story of secret identities as Daniel struggles to be just a regular boy with a regular family. There is a good deal of violence that some younger readers might make squeamish or find nightmare inducing, but Daniel is a hero that makes us confident that good will ultimately conquer evil.

One of the first things that you will notice about this book, and I do believe it was a specific choice of the authors, is that each chapter is only 2-3 pages long. So in a book with 238 pages you will encounter 92 chapters. Personally I found this a bit tedious, but I have to remind myself that I am not exactly who this book is for. I am the kind of gal that could sit down and devour a good  book cover to cover in one afternoon.

I have to wonder if the inclusion of so many chapters is some sort of subliminal reward system. I remember being younger and feeling a certain sense of accomplishment upon completing or reaching a certain chapter in a book. Heck, I remember the first book I ever read with actual chapters and how insanely grown up it made me feel. So for the general reader (that would be you and me) so many new chapters might seem annoying, but for a new reader it could be a marker of achievement.

The book is very inventive and clever with current inclusions of zesty pop culture but sometimes it read a little forced. Referencing Shia La Beouf gets you points with the tweens, but it felt a bit like a Grandparent talking about an ipod. Older readers will realize that the authors are far more comfortable making references to original episodes of Stark Trek or vintage zombie movies.

This book would be a great read for someone that is just getting turned on by reading. I think young boys as well as girls would be able to follow the story and get lost in the fantastical world of Daniel X. I wouldn’t recommend it for anyone younger than 8 without supervision. There are some very graphic depictions of violence and death, including family members.

Website for The Dangerous Days of Daniel X

Publisher’s website

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So let’s talk about the books we read in our childhood. What was the first book you read as a young adult that made you feel accomplished? What books from your childhood do you still have on your bookshelf?

Did you really think I was done talking about it?

I mean. Seriously. It is pretty much all that I think of when I am not thinking about other things. It takes up virtually all of my free time and it inspires me to have wicked crazy dreams at night.

I am, of course, referring to NON reality show television.

When I recently wrote about the summer shows I was watching/enjoying I knew that I would be able to come back to the subject and discuss the _______ (wait. what do we call shows that aren’t reality shows??) that I have grown to love in the hot, sweltering, summer months. There are quite a handful of programs out there getting my prime DVR space. Let’s talk about them:

1) Mad Men: I didn’t watch this show last season because by the time I had heard about it the plot was too thick for my small brain to penetrate. Thankfully AMC put the entire first season on demand and I watched every episode in one weekend (which is pretty much the best way to spend a weekend when you are trying not to think about other things.) I love this show. Love. And not just because I have serious covet over the female wardrobe, but because it is smart, clever, and surprisingly deep. PLUS I just had a mind-blow the other night when I realized that Cut-throat Bitch from House plays Mrs. Draper’s next door neighbor, Francine!

2) The Closer: Some episodes are brilliant. Some episodes all I can think about is how shitty Brenda’s southern accent is. Some episodes feel a LOT like Murder She Wrote- right down to that Jessica Fletcher styled “aha”moment. Man I miss Jessica…

3) Burn Notice: This show was The Awesome last year. A funny action show- brilliant! This season feels a bit stalled and I can’t figure out why. Too much of Michael’s Mother? Not enough Fiona? But it is still totally worth checking out. They do a pretty good job of making each show virtually independent of the rest so you don’t really have to have seen every episode to enjoy it.

4) Swingtown: Look. I’ll be honest. The ONLY reason I first tuned in to this show is because of a past secret love affair I had with Melrose Place. Grant Snow is here: often topless, and TOTALLY working the ’stache. The plot is goodish but tune in to watch Janet steal every scene with her wide eyed panic over the 70’s.

5) My Boys: Who knew TBS had it in them? From the network that brings you 4 episodes of The Beverly Hillbillies a day comes this totally original and fun sit-com. The writing is wonderful and the characters are very well fleshed out. Last year TBS ran back to back 30 minute episodes and it was like candy. This year you just get one episode a week. If you haven’t watched it you can catch up on demand. 100% endorsing. It is that good.

6) Psych: If you are in your 30’s you must watch this show. Sure it is a bit like Scooby Doo when it comes to the basic plot of each episode (which is usually a murder) but it is the banter between Shawn and Gus that make this show one of my favorites. In every episodes there are laugh out loud mentions of 80’s pop culture. This last week was an homage to John Hughe’s movies.

7) Monk: I put this show on the list because I felt like I had to. I mean it comes on the same night as Psych and it is usually quirky and interesting. But if I am being honest, it just feels a bit forced this season. I used to be able to laugh at Monk, now he just makes me anxious.

8 ) Weeds: This is another show that I never watched until a month ago. I also spent an entire weekend watching previous seasons on demand. And now that they have finally done away with the most annoying theme song ever I am totally hooked. Sure, there was a story line recently that really bothered me, but this show is always moving forward and taking me out of my comfort zone.  And how hot is the new Mexican mayor character?!

9) In Plain Sight: This show is hit or miss for me. The main character is 80% annoying, but I think I am easing up on judging her. I dig seeing part of the witness protection program at work- even though I am sure it isn’t really like how the show portrays it. But it is one of those mysticism things and I have always found the subject fascinating. Warning: annoying Mother character played by Leslie Ann Warren, the go-to actress for annoying Mothers.

Are any of you guys watching these shows? What are your thoughts? If you are going to talk about recent episodes be sure to give a spoiler alert. (Like the last episode of the first season of Mad Men!! WOW!)